Jealousy (You Should Love Seeing People Win), but do you?

Read time: 6 minutes

Hey, welcome back.

Last week, I wrote about how wealth becomes real when you stop worshipping it, how normalising success rewires your relationship with money. You can read that (and all past issues, here)​

Before we begin - I return on a high from a 4 day trip in the Welsh Forest for Foundrs Fforest. Tree hugging, deep sessions, tribes (which I've written about before) fancy dress (or costumes if you're American), and a rave in space.

Anyway, this week, I want to talk about something that sounds simple but can completely change your energy: Learning to genuinely love seeing people win. Harder than it sounds.

Why Envy Still Exists in All of Us

Let’s be honest when someone else wins, it stings.
Even if you’re self-aware, there’s that tiny moment of tension: Why not me?

It’s not because you’re bitter. It’s because your brain is wired for comparison.
From an evolutionary point of view, comparison was useful, it told our ancestors where they stood in the tribe, what they needed to survive, and who was a threat.

But in a modern world where everyone’s “highlight reel” is one scroll away, your comparison circuits are constantly overstimulated.
Your brain doesn’t know the difference between “my friend just raised $10M” and “I’m about to be left behind by my tribe.”

No wonder people feel anxious and disconnected when surrounded by success. In case you're wondering how deep routed that is - my friend Simmy from Simmer just won the Great British Entrepreneur of the Year award - and even though I've known him for years, helped and supported him (he even looked after my cats for 6 months when I went travelling - so literally my prized posessions), despite all of this, I still looked at a photo him winning and thought "ugh why not me". And other than - because he deserved it more, the most absurd thing is because

1) I didnt event apply to the awards and 2) didnt go.

So I hope that helps illustrate just how stupid this response is (and why it's triggered this week's email to unpack about success and comparison.

How I Rewired That Response

There was a period when I couldn’t open LinkedIn or Instagram without feeling a quiet panic.
Someone had just sold their company. Someone else was on another podcast. Someone had their “big announcement.”

It felt like everyone was playing the same game, and I was stuck at level one.
But over time, I realised something crucial: their wins weren’t stealing my opportunities.

If anything, they were expanding the field for everyone.
Each success story proved what was possible. When the pie grows, we can all win.

When I started reframing success like that, everything changed.
Instead of feeling behind, I started feeling surrounded by proof.

The Science Behind It

A 2021 study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that when people reframed others’ success as inspiration instead of competition, their motivation and wellbeing increased dramatically.
The key shift wasn’t in circumstances, it was in interpretation.

They called it vicarious efficacy, the belief that seeing someone else succeed strengthens your own confidence in what’s possible.
It’s the neural version of “if they can do it, I can too.”

Your mirror neurons, the parts of your brain that simulate what others experience, literally light up when you witness someone else achieve something.
That’s not a threat. That’s training.

You’re subconsciously learning what success looks and feels like.

The Emotional Upgrade

Here’s the biggest reframe I ever made:
Other people winning is not evidence that you’re behind.
It’s evidence that the system works.

When someone you know builds a thriving business, launches a best-seller, or lands a dream role, that’s not your loss, it’s your preview.
It’s reality showing you what’s available.

So when I say “love seeing people win,” it’s not about being fake-positive or performative.
It’s about switching your energy source.

Insecurity drains.
Inspiration compounds.

What Happens When You Actually Mean It

Once you start genuinely cheering for others, strange things happen.
You stop chasing validation.
You start attracting alignment.

People feel safer around you.
Opportunities start to flow your way.
Because energy doesn’t lie, and when your energy says, “There’s enough for everyone,” people trust you more.

That’s how networks grow.
That’s how business works.
That’s how luck multiplies.

A Challenge for This Week

When you see someone win, pause.
Notice your first thought.

If it’s envy, don’t shame yourself. Just reframe it:
​This isn’t proof I’m behind. This is proof it’s possible.

Say it out loud if you have to.
Celebrate their win.
Your brain will start learning that someone else’s success isn’t a threat, it’s a signal.

Enough luck to go around.
Enough time to go around.
Enough life to go around.

And the sooner you start believing that, the faster yours starts expanding too.

To abundance, not insecurity,
​Dan

PS: I haven't applied for an award, tried to get podcasts, or chase press since I started Heights. However, all of this is going to change in 20226 - where we are trying to become a 'scale up' and validation like this can make an impact. So all this luck I've been enjoying for others - well, I hope it comes my way too next year! Let's see. (And if it does - I hope you clap!)

Feel Better Live More with Mo Gawdat - Mo is just amazing every time you listen to him. Mo has a rare ability to make complex emotional and philosophical ideas simple, practical, and calming, the kind of voice that recenters you without trying. Listen Here Death By Astonishment - a scientific exploration of DMT, “The God Molecule.” A deep dive into the biology, neuroscience, and cultural history of one of the most mysterious substances in human consciousness, equal parts science lesson and existential rabbit hole. Read Here Naked Gun 2 - for the nostalgic lols. A reminder that not everything that boosts your mood needs to be productive. Sometimes the quickest way to reset your brain is to laugh at something absolutely ridiculous. Watch Here

A 2017 study published as Envy and Admiration: Emotion and Motivation Following Upward Social Comparison found that when people observe someone outperforming them, the emotion triggered isn’t always destructive envy; if framed right, it can become a strong motivator. Specifically, both admiration and what the authors call “benign envy” led to a higher drive to improve oneself Quick Takeaway → ​Your reaction to someone else winning becomes the switch that changes envy into leverage. When you choose admiration (or benign envy) instead of bitterness, others’ wins don’t feel like a threat, they become data points, inspiration, and fuel for your own ambition. ​→ Link to study​

In my goal to help more entrepreneurs/people who are looking to level up their careers, I've just started taking 1-1 consulting calls (only 1 a week) Why book a call? Some of my expertise/success: I've built 5 startups. 1 win, 1 fail, and 3 still going. E-Commerce: Heights - with revenue over £20M a year. Community: Foundrs, one of the UK's top founder communities Podcasting: Leaders Media - I bootstrapped a media company that made the UK's top business podcasts including Secret Leaders, with over 50M downloads across the network. Health/Mental Health: Overcame burnout, insomnia, depression & anxiety in pursuit of success. Hear me on Steven Bartlett's on Diary of a CEO​ Angel Investing: I've invested in over 100 startups Coached & Mentored: Certified coach & 5* mentor on Mentorpass Personal Brand: Over 400,000 followers across social So if you're interested in booking a session with me to talk all things business or building a personal brand, book for 30-minutes or 45-minutes. (limited spots). Book a Call with Dan

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