The Only Energy That Can't Be Faked

Read time: 6 minutes

Hey, welcome back.

Last week, we talked about the 100-year-old productivity hack that still works. You can read that (and all past issues, here).

Last night I was out late at an event, went to sleep later than I'd like, got woken up by my 4 year old at 2am with night terrors needing cuddles, then woke up at 6am for a business breakfast in Mayfair that was at one of those places you dont believe still exists that tells you suit, tie and black shoes or no entry, so I regrettably complied, feeling a little groggy, only to turn up and learn that the breakfast is, in fact, tomorrow (or today by the time you are reading this newsletter)!

So, there I was, suited and booted in Mayfair at 730am. Could have been annoyed, instead, just laughed, found a cafe that was open and had 2 hours of deep productive work instead. And this is the spark for this week's inspiration in fact.

I read a tweet this week from @thedulab that stopped me cold. It articulated something I've been watching my whole life without being able to name it.

I want to talk about it because I think it might change how you move through the world, or at least how to turn your own stupidity into calm (if you're as useless as me).

The Tweet

I read that and realised I've been watching this pattern my whole life without being able to name it.

What This Actually Reveals

The people whose lives are genuinely good don't perform calm. They just are calm. Because nothing small can threaten them.

The founder who's actually winning doesn't check their phone every 30 seconds. They're not anxious about the email that hasn't come. They're not reactive to every small disruption.

When a meeting gets cancelled, they pivot. When a plan changes, they adapt. When something takes longer than expected, they adjust.

No drama. No visible stress. Just flow.

Meanwhile the founder who's barely holding it together loses their mind when the coffee shop is out of oat milk. Everything is a crisis because everything feels like the thing that might finally break them.

The external calm isn't a technique. It's a symptom. Of having enough margin that the small stuff genuinely doesn't matter.

Where I Learned This

I used to think being stressed made me seem important. Busy. Valuable. Like I was taking things seriously.

Running late and apologising profusely showed I cared. Getting frustrated when plans changed demonstrated high standards. Being reactive to disruptions proved I was engaged.

All of it was just noise signalling that I didn't actually have control over my life.

The shift happened when Heights started working. Not perfectly. Just working enough that I wasn't in constant survival mode.

Suddenly the restaurant being closed wasn't a problem. It was just information. Pick a different restaurant. Keep going.

Traffic didn't ruin my day. I'd listen to a podcast. Think through a problem. Use the time.

Someone cancelling a meeting freed up an hour I could use for something else.

None of this required effort. It just happened naturally when I had enough space in my life that nothing small could threaten me.

The Real Flex

You can fake being busy. You can fake being important. You can fake being successful for a while.

You can't fake this. Because it comes from having actual abundance. Not money abundance necessarily. Time abundance. Energy abundance. Margin abundance.

When you have margin, disruptions don't disrupt you. They're just part of moving through the day.

When you don't have margin, everything is a threat. The closed restaurant. The traffic. The cancelled meeting. All of it feels like confirmation that you don't have enough time or control or space.

How This Shows Up

Watch people at airports.

Some people miss their flight and immediately spiral. Yelling at gate agents. Frantically rebooking. Calling people to explain. Visible panic.

Other people miss their flight and grab coffee. Rebook on their phone. Send a quick message. Keep moving.

Same situation. Completely different energy.

The difference isn't personality. It's margin. The person with margin has enough time, enough flexibility, enough control over their schedule that missing a flight is an inconvenience, not a disaster.

The person without margin is always one disruption away from everything falling apart. So every disruption feels existential.

What I Started Doing

I stopped optimising for maximum productivity and started optimising for margin.

Fewer meetings. More space between commitments. Buffer time built into everything. Room to breathe when things inevitably take longer than planned.

This felt inefficient at first. Like I was wasting time. Like I could fit more in.

Then I realised something. The version of me with no margin was constantly stressed, reactive, and barely keeping up. The version with margin was calm, present, and actually got more done because I wasn't spending half my energy managing disruptions.

The frictionless life isn't about having no problems. It's about having enough space that problems don't break you.

The Part Nobody Talks About

Building margin requires saying no to things.

The meeting that would be interesting but isn't essential. The project that sounds good but doesn't fit. The commitment that would stretch you too thin.

Most people can't do this. Because saying no feels like missing out. Like leaving opportunity on the table. Like not maximising potential.

So they say yes to everything and end up with no margin. Then they spend their lives stressed and reactive. Telling themselves it's because they care so much or work so hard or are so committed.

Really it's just poor resource allocation. They gave away all their margin and now they're operating from depletion.

What This Looks Like Practically

When someone suggests dinner and the place is closed, I don't complain about the closed restaurant. I suggest the next option immediately. No performance of disappointment needed.

When traffic delays me, I don't stress. I have margin. I can be late. Or I can use the time. Either way it's fine.

When plans change, I adapt. Because I built my life with enough flexibility that changing plans doesn't cascade into disaster.

None of this is personality. I'm not naturally calm. I'm naturally anxious and controlling.

But I've built enough margin into my life that I can afford to be calm about the small things. Because they genuinely don't threaten anything important.

The Signal You're Sending

When you react to every disruption, you're signalling scarcity. You don't have enough time. You don't have enough control. You don't have enough margin.

When you glide through disruptions, you're signalling abundance. Not wealth abundance. Margin abundance. Time abundance. The sense that you have enough of what matters that nothing small can take it away.

People feel this. They can't always name it. But they can feel when someone is operating from depletion versus operating from abundance.

And they're drawn to the abundance. Because it's contagious. Because it makes them feel like maybe they could have that too.

How To Build This

Start with your calendar. Look at how packed it is.

Every meeting is back-to-back. No space between commitments. Every evening planned. Every weekend scheduled.

That's why everything feels like a crisis. Because you have zero margin. One thing going wrong breaks the whole system.

Add space. Real space. Not "I'll use this time to catch up on email" space. Actual empty time.

Say no to more things. Not because they're bad. Because you need margin more than you need another commitment.

Build your life so that when things go wrong, they're inconveniences rather than catastrophes.

What Changes

You stop performing stress. Because you're not actually stressed about the small things anymore.

You pivot faster. Because you're not emotionally invested in things going exactly according to plan.

You're better company. Because you're not radiating anxiety about whether you're running late or whether this disruption is going to cascade into disaster.

People trust you more. Because your calm isn't performance. It's real. And they can feel the difference.

The Truth

The quality of your life isn't determined by how many things you do or how optimised your schedule is or how productive you are.

It's determined by how much margin you have. How much space. How much room to breathe when things inevitably don't go according to plan.

The people with genuinely good lives aren't the ones doing the most. They're the ones who built enough space that nothing small can break them.

That's the energy that can't be faked. Because it doesn't come from technique or performance. It comes from actually having enough.

To building margin, Dan

P.S. Look at how you react when small things go wrong today. The closed store. The long wait. The unexpected delay. If you're stressed, that's information. Not about the situation. About how much margin you have in your life. Start building more.

Jensen Huang on All In Podcast

Talking about robots and other mad shit.

Listen Here

Liar's Poker by Michael Lewis

On my second reading, as a reminder of how to break my phone addiction.

Read Here

A Knight of The Seven Kingdoms

I know, super late to this show, but damn it's good.

Watch Here

A 2020 study published in Emotion found that people who learned to accept their “non-ideal emotional states”, including low motivation, low energy, and neutral days, experienced significantly higher overall well-being and lower stress.

The key insight: self-acceptance amplifies emotional resilience, while self-judgment weakens it.

📌 Quick Takeaway →

Your average days aren’t failures; they’re emotional training grounds.
When you stop punishing yourself for being human, everything in your life compounds faster.

→ Link to study

In my goal to help more entrepreneurs/people who are looking to level up their careers, I've just started taking 1-1 consulting calls (only 1 a week)

Why book a call? Some of my expertise/success:

I've built 5 startups. 1 win, 1 fail, and 3 still going.
E-Commerce: Heights - with revenue over £30M a year.
Community: Foundrs, one of the UK's top founder communities
Podcasting: Leaders Media - I bootstrapped a media company that made the UK's top business podcasts including Secret Leaders, with over 50M downloads across the network.
Health/Mental Health: Overcame burnout, insomnia, depression & anxiety in pursuit of success. Hear me on Steven Bartlett's on Diary of a CEO
Angel Investing: I've invested in over 100 startups
Coached & Mentored: Certified coach & 5* mentor on Mentorpass
Personal Brand: Over 400,000 followers across social

So if you're interested in booking a session with me to talk all things business or building a personal brand, book for 30-minutes or 45-minutes. (limited spots).

Book a Call with Dan