Who Loves Themselves The Most, Wins

Read time: 6 minutes

Hey, welcome back.

Last week, How To Engineer Luck, You can read that (and all past issues, here)

Today, I want to tell you about the only competitive advantage that actually compounds.

How you see yourself.

I Saw A Tweet That Stopped Me

It was from @thedulabs and it said something along the lines of: the game comes down to who loves themselves the most. One player gets laughed at and exits the arena immediately. Another makes it to three months but a rejection takes them out. Every day the risk of embarrassment claims another prisoner.

Read That Last Line Again

Last one standing always wins by default.

Think about that for a second. You don't have to be the most talented person in the room. You don't have to have the best idea, the best connections, the best timing.

You just have to still be in the room.

Most people remove themselves. A client says no. A launch flops. Someone on the internet says something cruel. And slowly, quietly, they start stepping back. They stop posting. They stop pitching. They stop showing up.

The arena empties itself. All you have to do is not leave.

The Story You Tell Yourself Is Running The Show

Here's what I think most people get wrong about confidence. They think it's something you build after you succeed. I'll believe in myself once I get the results.

It works the other way around.

The belief comes first. The results follow.

When you tell yourself "I'm not a salesperson" that becomes a ceiling you'll never push through. When you tell yourself "I'm learning to sell" that becomes a runway.

When you tell yourself "I'm not the kind of person who gets lucky" you stop putting yourself in rooms where luck can find you.

The labels you carry around aren't just words. They're instructions. Your brain listens to them and acts accordingly. If you've decided you're someone who always gets rejected, you'll start flinching before the rejection even comes. You'll hold back. Play small. Leave the arena early.

And you'll call it being realistic.

Realism Is The Most Expensive Disguise

I've met so many smart, capable people who describe themselves as "realistic." They've got all the reasons why something won't work. They can tell you exactly why the timing is off or the market is saturated or why they're not ready yet.

And they're usually right about the facts. The timing might be off. The market might be crowded.

The difference is that the person who makes it through has the exact same information and decides to keep going anyway. They see the same obstacles and choose to believe they'll figure it out.

That's the whole game. Same facts. Different self-perception. Completely different outcome.

I Lived This

I'll keep this brief because this one's about you, not me. When I went through my breakdown, six months of insomnia, anxiety, a startup that crashed, the thing that kept me stuck was the identity I'd built around being broken. I am depressed. I have anxiety. I can't sleep.

Nothing shifted until I changed the story. Same situation. Same problems. I just decided I was someone who was going to figure it out.

That decision led to the dietitian appointment. Which led to discovering what my brain actually needed. Which led to Heights.

The circumstances didn't change first. I did.

What This Means For You

Pay attention to how you talk about yourself. In your head. Out loud. In texts to friends. The way you describe yourself is the blueprint your brain is building from. Make sure it's a blueprint worth following.

Protect your environment. Self-perception is contagious. If you're surrounded by people who are cynical, defeated, and "realistic" about everything, that becomes your default setting. You absorb it without even noticing.

Stay longer than feels comfortable. The person who wins the contract, gets the client, builds the company, lands the opportunity - they're usually just the one who didn't quit after the first ten rejections. The arena empties fast. Your only job is to still be standing in it.

Take care of your brain. I know I always come back to this. When your brain is running on empty, your self-perception is the first thing to collapse. You can't believe in yourself when you can barely think straight. Feed it properly. Sleep properly. The biology and the psychology are the same system.

The Bit I'd Add To That Tweet

@thedulab said: just have to see yourself in a genuinely positive light and allow the world to mirror that self-perception back to you.

I agree with every word. I'd just add: you also have to do the work. Self-belief without action is just daydreaming.

But the work becomes so much easier when you genuinely believe you're someone who can do it.

To staying in the arena,

Dan

P.S. Next time you catch yourself saying "I'm just being realistic" about something you want, ask yourself honestly whether you're being realistic or whether you've already decided you're going to fail and you're looking for a dignified way to explain it.

Jerusalem: The Biography

Tbf I listened to Jerusalem on audible so that too lol.

Listen Here

Jerusalem: The Biography

Wow. 25 hours of reading later, and it was hugely worth my time. Most context as much as possible for the centre of the religious world, and all done meticulously, separating myth from historical fact. Truly enlightening, brilliant, mad, surprising, crazy and depressing all at the same time.

Read Here

Islam the untold story

Fascinating 1 hour doc with historian Tom Holland who tries to work out what's fact (The life of mohammed) from potential myth and discovers interesting things like where Mecca should potentially really be according to archeology 👀

Watch Here

A 2020 study published in Emotion found that people who learned to accept their “non-ideal emotional states”, including low motivation, low energy, and neutral days, experienced significantly higher overall well-being and lower stress.

The key insight: self-acceptance amplifies emotional resilience, while self-judgment weakens it.

📌 Quick Takeaway →

Your average days aren’t failures; they’re emotional training grounds.
When you stop punishing yourself for being human, everything in your life compounds faster.

→ Link to study

In my goal to help more entrepreneurs/people who are looking to level up their careers, I've just started taking 1-1 consulting calls (only 1 a week)

Why book a call? Some of my expertise/success:

I've built 6 startups. 3 fails, 1 win, and 2 still going.
E-Commerce: Heights - with revenue over $40M a year.
Community: Foundrs, one of the UK's top founder communities
Podcasting: Leaders Media - Bootstrapped to #1 in business and 10M downloads
Health/Mental Health: Overcame depression, insomnia, burnout and anxiety in pursuit of success
Angel Investing: I've invested in over 100 companies
Personal Brand: Over 400,000 followers across social
Hear me on Diary of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

So if you're interested in booking a session with me to talk all things business or building a personal brand, book for 30-minutes or 45-minutes. (limited spots).

Book a Call with Dan